I did all the right things and now I want to do the other things. The right things did not pan out, I have 4 new fibroids just 3 months after surgery. I changed my face wash, I stopped wearing nailpolish, I haven’t colored my hair in 6 months. I woke up one morning  and drove my friends truck to work ( they let me borrow it because I broke my car) and I carried an open cup of coffee while operating the manual transmission; I realized that I’m pretty awesome because I didn’t spill any coffee. That’s when I sensed the winds of change blowing in my life.

I may feel rebellious towards all the things I put effort into that didn’t give me the perfect solution I hoped for. I just brushed my teeth and then served myself ice cream. (its coconut milk, agave sweetened ice cream but i’m still rebelling) Once this week I ate oats. Yeah. Grains. So there. Saturday I got a pedicure with nail polish. Yep, endocrine disrupting varnish…what now. Does breaking my self imposed rules make me feel better, no it does not.

I pick at my lips when I’m worried/nervous/stressed/overwhelmed.  Do you have any neurosis like that? Well picking at my lips doesn’t help. Insubordination hasn’t helped. Compliance didn’t help. I’m at my wits end trying to actively DO something to make things better. I feel like this post should resolve for you, like a sitcom. I will reveal the solution to my problem in just 30 minutes including commercial breaks.  Friends, this post is like Jazz music; it does not resolve. Yet somehow I’ve successfully resolved against lip picking for 29 days.

I can’t explain why, but I feel better. I’m walking tall,with some kind of confidence that this will all work out. I’m sleeping good, like really good and I don’t know why. Maybe its you all. I have asked for prayer and you have responded with boatloads of encouragement.With generosity and patience you have tolerated my whining and weary words.

“Come what may” I can hear Ewan McGregor singing in my mind, I’m feeling the love. Does it dissolve new fibroids? I don’t think so. Do I worry less about this situation? Yeah. I do. I worry less. You make me awesome, you make me more than I am. Love makes the world go around. Lets hear it for love.